Today was weigh-in day. It’s the end of week two on my Tame the Crave journey. As I shared before, I started out at 164 pounds. At the end of week one I was feeling empowered when I weighed in at 161 pounds – three pounds down in one week – hooray!
Today was different. I weighed in with a deficit of .6 pounds. Not even one whole pound in seven days. On the one hand I’m pleased that at least I lost some weight, but on the other hand I was so hoping to break into the 150’s today. And after a week of three pounds of weight loss, .6 seems awfully measly.
Since the scale doesn’t lie, I’ve had to evaluate my eating this past week. If I’m honest with myself, and I have to be, I know exactly where I veered off course.
You see, though I’ve removed tempting unhealthy foods from my diet, I’m finding it all too easy to overindulge in other things instead (like, just maybe, peanut butter). And there were far too many times this last week that I kept eating, even when I wasn’t hungry.
There were moments when the Holy Spirit nudged me to stop eating because I didn’t need more. A few times I listened. A few more times I didn’t.
I find unhealthy desires continue to dwell in my wayward flesh. I see that I am not truly relying on God to satisfy and nourish my innermost cravings. Instead, I’m ravenously searching for an ‘okay’ food to feed my crave.
A journal entry from last week perfectly reveals the inner struggle:
Today was a day of excuse and exception bombardment. It sounds ridiculous, but I’m already thinking about the Super Bowl party (we have one every year with the youth group) and all the deliciousness that will be there. And starting to say to myself, ‘Maybe it could be a splurge day?!?’ What? Here I am almost a month away from the event, dreaming of indulgence! This reminds me that there is something fundamentally wrong with my attitude towards food.
In the introduction to her book, “Made to Crave,” Lysa TerKeurst writes:
We feel overweight physically but underweight spiritually. Tying these two things together is the first step on one of the most significant journey’s you’ll ever take with God.
My soul is ready for the journey; though my body wants to stubbornly refuse – like a toddler flopping on the ground and screaming when she doesn’t get what she wants.
So I have to bring my body into submission because it’s desires will never lead me to health or holiness. I must Tame the Crave so that it doesn’t tame me. And I must redirect the crave to the One it has been intended for all along – to the only One who can fill me.
It feels kind of weird to seek You in this area of my life. I’ve often felt like my eating habits were an area in which I needed to ‘get it together’ on my own.
But I know the truth is that You are intimately concerned and involved with my fight for holiness – even regarding my food indulgence. You are purifying Your Bride, and that includes me.
Forgive me for ignoring Your Holy Spirit this last week. I want to continue to learn obedience in all areas of life.
God, I want to want You more than food. I want my cry to be “How lovely is Your dwelling place, O Lord Almighty! My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God” (Psalm 84:1-2). Not, ‘How beautiful is that birthday cake and my heart cries out for that enticing piece of pizza.’
“My flesh and my heart fail; But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever” (Psalm 73:26). You are my portion; not food. You alone fill me up and satisfy my failing flesh; not delectable edibles.
Lord, help me to remember Your truth in the midst of temptation so that I choose to heed Your Holy Spirit instead of my flesh.
Thank you for Your unconditional love. And thank you for continuing to refine me to be more like Your Son.